the death of HERNIA bear

Sick of being puny,

this bear made a vow

to buff himself up

and to do it right now.

So, he purchased the proteins,

the magazines and pills.

No nonsense, no slacking,

no excuses, no frills.

Even though there was improvement,

injuries leaped in his way.

Broken bones and torn muscles

seemed to occur every other day.

Even so, he decided

to kick it up a notch,

but cruel fate stepped in

for another exercise botch.

For when he was straining

with a deadlift from Hell,

his arms tore clean off,

he screamed and he fell.

But more had occurred,

not one injury, but two.

The second was explosive

and took of his legs, too.

the death of LIMBO bear

Despite the size of her skull

and its staggering weight

This deformd bear refused

to be immobalized by fate

She assembled a device

upon which her head could recline

so she could wheel it around

without stressing her spine

When a limbo stick appeared

at a holiday party

Her stomach full of wine

She was feeling foolhardy

She shunned her wheeled cart

determined to play

She leaned back, her neck snapped

She was buried the next day

the death of FUNK bear

this bear could groove

he could wail like no other

since the day he emerged

from the womb of his mother

 

saxophones and trumpets

and the most raucous beats

were what pumped through his veins

they were his bread and his meat

but interests can quickly

become deadly obsessions

and the high they provide

prevents introspection

the beats grew wilder

the bass a hammer to the chest

the vibrations grew tangible

he felt the results were the best

long exposure without protection

proved dangerous, that’s clear

it shook his brain into jelly

and it oozed out his left ear

the death of LOW bear

the death of LOW bear

Wanting to achieve

Something of great worth

Was a goal of this bear

Since the day of his birth

But with such a deformed body

With ears drooping so low

No one noticed his sharp mind

All assumed he was slow

But his relationship with lowness

Seemed to be guided by a mean-spirited fate

Because he was also diabetic

But they discovered it too late



the death of FORTUNE bear

the death of FORTUNE bear

Born into riches

But raised out of rags

Because his once a millionaire father

Invested in faulty carpet bags

The company fell apart

And so did their lives

Good-bye mansions, hello dumpsters

And the most miserable of strife

But this bear had aspirations

Or an obsession more like

To gain it all back

And get an expensive dirt bike

Constantly squinting, he searched

And lunged for dropped money

While all the other bears

Found it quite funny

One day—a sign from Heaven—

“Fortune Just Ahead”

It wasn’t fortune, but Fort Une

And the militant bears shot him dead

the death of the ZIPPER bears

       the death of the ZIPPER bears

  Obsessions can be deadly,

 They can tear things apart,

    But for this bear couple

 It was only the start.

    Velcro couldn’t do it,

   Neither could snaps nor laces,

  It was zippers alone

    That put smiles on their faces.

 They designed zipper jewelry

     And opened a specialty store,

  But despite the lucrative outcome,

          They needed much more.

       They blazed through the research,

  They built a surgical room,

    Then they laid themselves down

 And took their final step towards doom.

  After the self-operation,

   Despite their most careful sewing,

 A sly infection slipped in

       Without them even knowing.

the death of "DIE, CLOWN!" bear

There’s a legend that states

When fresh from the womb

It didn’t take long

Until he shaped his first animal balloon

At age three he took make-up

And powdered his face

And performed comedic skits

Based off Will & Grace

After high school he moved on

And aced clown school

He was the best of the best

When acting a fool

But when his first gig came

To celebrate a cub’s ninth year of life

He frightened the youngster so badly

That he stabbed him with a knife